just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
