it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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