Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
