found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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