what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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