The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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