On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
