WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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