the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
