why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
BRING THE BAGELS
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
