it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
