I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
