Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
