remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Randomize
