I am spending my child support on dildos
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
