he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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