I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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