Need sex. Gaining weight.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
