Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
