We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
