is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
