I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
