if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
