You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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