please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
