You work out of a Hotel?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
