The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
