So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
