guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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