the new term for farting is butt boxing.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I looked at my own cervix.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
