none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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