They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
