is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
