its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize