Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
do herpes really smell.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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