I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
