I looked at my own cervix.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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