You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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