You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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