haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
