Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
