I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
