His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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