Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You're a waste of cheezeits
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
