Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
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