You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
