I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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