i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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