Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
