If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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