i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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