we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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