No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
