Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
