There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she told me i tasted like america
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
