Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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