Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
did i just pee glitter
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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