How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
