I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
