We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
