dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
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