I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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