I'm really into asian looking animals
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
