I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
