sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
