You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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