I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Dignity is for republicans.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
