your thong is hanging out like whoa
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
