Please, let me fuck your mom
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
