Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
