glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
