i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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