just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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