You're earring is so big in my mouth
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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