I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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